When you start hunting through your archives, you run into the strange things you saved in 1998. I think this is my riff on another Beatles parody of”I’m a Loser” – http://refinish69.tripod.com/mywwjourney/id33.html
I’m a loser
I’m a loser
And I’m not at all what I use to be
Of all the weight I have gained or have lost
there is one line I should never have crossed
I’m a girl in a million, my friend
I know I will win in the end
I’m a loser
And I lost somewhat a part of me
I’m a loser
And I’m not at all what I use to be
Although I worry and I act like I’m gonna drown
Because of all the water I’m trying to down
My pee is falling like rain from the sky
Is it 48 ounces yet? I cry
I’m a loser
And I’ve lost some more of me
I’m a loser
And I’m not at all what I use to be
What I’m doing I know is really great
I realize I haven’t left it too late
And so it’s true, pride comes before a fall
I’m telling you so that you can lose it all
I’m a loser
And I lost a big chunk of me
I’m a loser
And I’m not at all was I use to be
Pretty brilliant, eh? You can stop laughing now. Really. Yes, now.
I was googling the words above to make sure it wasn’t someone else’s work (which I’m still not sure about). I ran across this article on The Huffington Post.
I stopped. I read it. I’m in shock. I’m mad, too. I went to those weight loss places, tried living on 1000 calories or less (not 1200) and lost some weight, but dumped it back on.
I’m still really overweight – 100 lbs more than I’d like to be, which is about 40 lbs heavier than my former doctor wanted me to be. I’m feeling bad because I can’t eat less than 1000 calories any more and keep up the energy I need to run a house, work two intense jobs that I love, and be a good mom to my pre-teen and teenage kids.
Now I see these weight loss programs were lies, and designed to make me feel something I have too much of anyway – guilt and failure. I became a mistake, an error, because I ate something off the diet. Let the depressive, food-gorging spiral begin.
That was the programs’ goal – dependency. Well, thank you very much Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Nutrisystem, and all the books on losing weight. Thanks for absolutely nothing.
I’ve had other weight loss advisors telling me to just forget about the scale, exercise and eat sensibly. These newer advisors had to be wrong, my inner critic was telling me. I’ve resisted these wiser, smarter people, because the only weight loss “success” (rapid weight loss) I’ve had came by starving myself.
I feel like I’m fighting the wind, and epically failing. Trust …